The Forever Jealousy

I died so many times when I first knew you
And you were with other men and I
Had to imagine them touching you
Loving you
You danced with them and kissed them
And of course you….
It ate me alive swallowing me in great
Chunks
Did you think them handsome?
Smart and sexy?
Interesting and funny?
While I drank and simmered and moped
And stared at emptiness
My life a wreck
What secrets did you tell them?
How earnestly did you listen to them?
Did your tongue tickle their ears?
Did your hand hold their….?
And after
How long did you think of them after?
Could you still feel them inside you?
Did they call the next day and did you
Flirt some more?
The torture deep into my bowels
Swirling around my heavy heart
Down to my sphincter
I raged I cried I sunk into my sad self
Wailing angry impotence as I tried to talk to you
You just so polite and considerate
But me diffident and you bursting confidence
The ache eternal
Because still today with you here beside me
It comes back in great waves
Leaving me emotionally sick and pale
The forever jealousy