Friday, November 25, 2016

I'm Here

Here I sit The pain unbearable
But I must bear it Must keep going Can’t stop
Sorrow practically choking me
I feel as though I could die from this oppressive sadness
But my heart beats I am healthy Hilarious
 I’m healthy except for my mind

Crippled It is laborious to type this
 Minutes ago reaching for the remote control was impossible
It was less than an arm’s distance away
I type slowly now Everything is slow Ponderous
My speech is as if I was on thorazine

Beyond On the other side
Somewhere else there is difference Away from all this
The ocean, the sky, the clouds, fog, sun, rain, wind and snow
It is there As are birds and bears and deer and snakes and dolphins and moose and chickens and sharks and scorpions and pelicans
There may be angels too
Perhaps ghosts
Life Exultation The spirit of being and doing and feeling
The soft the heavy the hard the light the more the less the this the that the these and the those and the everywhere and nowhere and somewhere and something and nothing
 The multitude and the solitude The quick and the dead and the slow and the alive

Stars Always Moons.Planets Comets
Great phantasmagorical wisps of delight and terrains of agony and mountains of ennui and seas of celebration
I can experience and be much more than can be imagined
The human mind It is causing me great suffering now but I dare to remember when this wasn’t so and I dare to dream of when it won’t be again
Though it feels permanent it is not
I am still here and I do not yield
Yes, I hold my head in my hands and it is heavy
The weight of a billion thoughts and so much aching and metaphysical, psychotic raging dancing preening posing positing perplexing plexiglass Glances and chances and prances and ports of shadows and wharves of mystery and piers of melancholy


Oh the human taste and the waste
The human mind and the unkind
The ruffled Tousled Blithering Blathering
Bayside yawning glimmerings of kaleidoscopic wonder and blunder amid the virtuous and sacred and the sacrosanct piles of puffery
Wailing past peach trees and into sockets of clairvoyance
These are times and rhymes and chimes and I’ms and youze but not booze Off that No no Not ever and never wherever and clever and blown up dolls of climbing those stars

Hands in front of face I look into eternity and see everything the nothing of all in the cornucopia of emptiness. Blah!

But I’m still here
Somewhere

Saturday, August 20, 2016

Depression

Locked in
Surrounded
Hate it
The pain is
overwhelming
Suffer suffer suffer
Everything feels bad
Want nothing everything something
Need same
Pulling pushing pain
Throbbing dull ache of sorrow
Never
Ever
It’s all bad
Very sad
I’m not glad
Stare at keyboard
I think it hates me
I think
I think maybe I deserve hatred
Want out
Want to escape to where happiness reigns
Want wanting wanted
Terrible
Just awful
Shake it off

Monday, August 15, 2016

The

the dying self
the shelf
the constant pain
the drain
the tortured soul
the mole
the dreaded day
the way
the bleak mind
the grind
the end of joy
the toy
the lonely sigh
the cry
the
th
t
.

Friday, August 5, 2016

One More Chance

Dawn of a thousand crazy lights
Weekends full of blessed lazy nights
The rasping sound of my brain at work
The glittering madness of the tasks I shirk
All it is now it always was
And when I saw it I knew it twas
Gleaming, preening, leering and cold
Getting off on thoughts so bold
I cry the same song
Live the same wrong
I tuck in the police of my mind
And to the periwinkle I am kind
There goes and blows and toes
I like it this way goodness knows
I cannot eat the dreams of yore
But into my lustful meditation insanity I pour
It is the golden age of all the rage
And I’m yet ready to turn the page
The do’s and don’ts and can’ts just swell
And I tell the evil donut masters to go to hell
These are the days of the angel dance
Please oh Mother Nature give me one more chance

Monday, May 30, 2016

Righteous Remembering Spiritual Love Awakenings: My Memorial Day Poem

The fire burned the whole house down and all we could do was dance
Because the music
Still there
Raging ashes and living dreams swirled in the November night
Dry leaves beckoned and soon we were engulfed too
Higher we rose
Twirling, whirling and gyrating to the distant guitar solos and echoes of drumming past
What a night for visions and radiant lighted home runs of ecstasy
The past was coming up and we were leaving the future behind us to live in the permanent twilight of green days and purple nights
How the dogs barked and the pot stirred and how we settled so happily into the couches of our dreams
The TV told us lies and Vietnam was a conflagration but there in the LBJ waltz and Nixon promenade we beckoned for hope amid marijuana smoking LSD dropping riffing laughter and tie dye tuxedoes

But that was another time

You see

We’ve come a long way since then
Mostly backwards
We’ve been trampled by the Reagan Bush Palin McCain Ford Romney Trump Thurmond Wallace Maddox — destitute minds — Santorum Rove Norquist O’Reilly Coulter Hannity — hate brigade — La Pierre Brewer Kristol Quayle Gingrich Arapio Huckabee Fiorina mishhh mashhh of red bating commie killing homo bashing racist xenophobic pinheaded obscenities
But we get up and spit and fight back and are righteous remembering spiritual love awakenings and the dancing dawns and Puff the Magic Dragon
Legacies of love keep us strong and nourished as we live long lives of splendor

Peace

White House lovin’ 9/11 remembering politically careful sandal wearing white wine drinking organic chicken eating bicycle riding NBA playoff watching twitter reading pilates practicing PTA joining child raising sprained ankle suffering garden growing middle class commuters nod and smile and sputter inanities and remind you to recycle but don’t read Nietzsche anymore

White house hatin’ 9/11 revenging politically reckless cowboy hat wearing Coors drinking brisket eating truck driving Nascar watching Fox News believers deer hunting NRA joining child raising heart tremor suffering fish catching middle class commuters nod and smile and sputter inanities and remind you to carry a gun but never heard of Nietzsche noway

This is the US and they are the: the
The
All of them
Collectively and together as one as a whole in total and en masse
Por favor

Hey everybody have a safe and happy Memorial Day
Rock on.

Sunday, April 17, 2016

Come to me Angels

Where are the angels? Why don’t they come?
They’ve left me here in my pain, my sorrow
The mental agonies that have beset me
I expect succor and receive nothing
If the angels came I would greet them with — literally — open arms
Caress

The angels must be beautiful
Winged creatures with lustrous hair and silky white dresses and a golden glow
Maybe cherubic
Maybe slender
Definitely smiling and — here is the most important part — comforting

Can I summon the angels?
If I do will that ensure their arrival?
Do they travel?
Or just appear?
Do they speak or sing or dance or rhyme or kiss?
How will they end this suffering?
I suppose it doesn’t matter
I need not worry about how
Just take comfort in their warm, tender embraces

Light the sky
Let rain pour on me
Let me dance
Let me feel joy tingle from my toes to the hair atop my head
Cast away the vicious, scaly grip of heartless horror that has seized my heart
How I would love to forever be free of the morbid depression and angry screams of the terrible feelings that tap at my brain
Come angels

Save me
Help me
Free me
I need your rapturous beatitudes
Don’t let me fall
Make me fly
Where are the angels?

Friday, March 25, 2016

Kerouac Night

Kerouac night
In Berkeley out of sight
Stars shine high
Wish that I could fly
Walk with wife
The love of my life
Ginsberg day
Was feeling okay
Had a run
Then enjoyed the sun
Eat good meal
Saw a movie felt real
Kerouac night
In Berkeley out of sight