Saturday, July 31, 2010

Whose Life

You can settle into life
You can live among the world
Or you can dive right in
Take the plunge
And let your life serve you
Easy to let it all happen 
Around you
Harder to take on
The responsibility
Of making 
Rather than letting
It happen
Turn your life and your will over
To a higher power
Or be your own
Tricky part:
Remember you only control so much
Lot out of your reach
But reach for what you can
Respect yourself
What’s it gonna be then?

Friday, July 30, 2010

Thinking Time

I was so busy doing things
I forgot to think about everything
All the stuff I had to do got in the way
Of being who I was 
I was
I was busy doing
No time for being
Forgot who I was
What I wanted
Beyond wanting to get things/stuff done
Then do the next thing I had to take care of
And all the stuff that needed dealing with
....
We’re so good at keeping ourselves busy
Seems so purposeful
Important
“I’m busy...it’s so busy...we’re so busy....”
“It’s so hectic”
“Lot going on”
That’s what adults do
Things
Take care of stuff
Easy to get caught up in it
We’re filling in blanks 
Instead of writing essays
We’re cogs
We don’t wonder why
Just do it, baby
Don’t think about it
Well I’m thinking now
I’ll do when I’m good and ready
I can’t be busy right now, I’ve got thinking to do

Thursday, July 29, 2010

They’re Coming to Take Me Away?

Pardon my hallucination
I thought that was a tiger
Growing out of your ear
No, the right one
You’ll have to excuse
My malfunctioning brain
I see things that aren’t there
Or anywhere
Besides which, I don’t care
My condition is most distressing
For people prone to undressing
In the oddest places
Wait
I didn’t mean that last part
About
What did I say?
Oh you’re the one with the cheetah
Growing out of your nose
Sorry, that was the other guy
You’re still the 
But I digress
My brain is such a mess
But my it is fun
To have sanity on the run
Happy days are here again

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Addiction

When too much is never enough
You need to keep adding
More, more, more than you need
Keep going
Add to it
That’s not enough
Nothing ever is
From good to great
Great to perfect
Perfect to the point
Where you destroy it all
Build the most spectacular
Until it is nothing
But dust
A shame, really
Because you really had something there for awhile
But couldn’t be satisfied
You don’t know satisfaction
Want bliss times two
Good enough is for ordinary people
You are far from ordinary
Better even than extraordinary
Magnificence
Find the ultimate
Then go past it to the next level
Surely there must be more
And more
And more
Get it
Don’t settle
You, after all, are special
You are special
You are special
You must have
It all
And more
You sick bastard you

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Vision

He had vision, brother
Naw he could really see things
New stuff
Like you never imagined
Or the stuff we see everyday
He saw it different
He saw it like it could be
He was clever times ten
Different then the rest of us
In a good way
Put the stodgy people off
They don’t like to be shook up
Change, it don’t come easy for many
He could make it happen 
Give him half a chance
That’s a powerful thing
To have vision like that
That’s a talent
Special
Very very special
Vision

Monday, July 26, 2010

Life

Nonsense
Don’t be so silly
Be practical
Do what’s right
You’re being childish
Grow up
Act your age
Huff and puff
And blow yourself down
Make yourself into something
We all want you to be 
Expect you to be
Live up to the idea
Pull yourself up
Have drive
What, you gonna just gather wool
Just sit there
Get in the race
Get ahead
Buy a house
Make something of yourself
Set goals
Get in the game
Get on with it
Don’t fall back
Be
A
Man
Who you are is what you do
What you do is everything
Young man
Be serious
Be a force to be reckoned with
Be be be
You’ve got to be
Stop fooling around
Drive a car
Buy a house
Raise a family
Retire
Die
Come on get started
Death is a series matter
Say, do you have life insurance?

Sunday, July 25, 2010

My Advice

Don’t be so linear
Go your own way sometimes
Straight and narrow
Is so narrow
Look in all directions
Try some of them
Maybe even without looking
If you’re the bold sort
(Be the bold sort)
Appreciate the rhythms of life
Dance to them
(With a partner is best, but not a must)
It's not a path to follow
It’s a trail to blaze (life, that is)
Go and grow
And appreciate the sights
Along the way
Happiness will find you
(You don’t have to look)
Go on
Hurry

Saturday, July 24, 2010

The River and I

Standing in a river
Cold water rushing along my legs
Looking up at a perfect blue sky
On the shore
Sand
Trees, tall
Look to deeper water where fish
Go by
Oblivious to me
Or anything else
Except themselves and the water around them
I decide to join them
Dive into the deeper water. Current carries me
I don’t swim
Am carried
No worries of drowning
Grab a rock and climb on
Watching the water
Sun dries me then threatens to burn
Back in the water
Fish pass me
I pass them
Finally swim to shore
Sit in on the sand
A fallen branch in my hand
River: you are so totally
Cool
I’m just being me
So natural this time
I am not invading nature
One with it
I leave
No trace

Friday, July 23, 2010

Well Dad

Did I do you proud, Dad?
Was a good boy am I a good man?
Am I what you wanted in a son?
Didn’t we have a lot of fun?
Did I ever let you down?
Did you think of me and frown?
It was you I always wanted to impress
It was you I wanted to make happy
It was you I wanted to show
That I know
How to be
Like you
How’d I do?
Yeah, You’re right
I’m not finished yet
I’ll get back to you 
(But how’m I doin’ so far?)

Thursday, July 22, 2010

I Was Wrong

There upon the veranda
I sat a lonely day
Reading Kerouac
The sun was getting low
The amber redness of the sky
Signaled a melancholia I could not shake
Never, no never, would I feel again
The unbridled joy of youth
Or so I thought
How wrong we can be so often
Mistakes are made
We base rash decisions on nothing more
Than that’s what we thought
I left the veranda leaving Kerouac behind
To the TV and escape
There was the real melancholia
The emptiness of a culture based on greed
The self fulfilling sadness of television
But I was sucked in
And deep
Canned laughter and canned culture
While Kerouac sat in the veranda
The book, the man
Burn baby burn
I felt worse 
But lo, would feel
Better again soon
Because in her loving arms I would regain joy
She could vanquish the melancholia
Just by being there
And turning off the TV
Love baby love

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Don’t

Don’t let’s not talk about this
Let’s not let this go
Let’s make sure to make it
Let’s be careful that it doesn’t
Slip away
Look at the sand
It goes and goes and goes
And it shows
That your slip is showing
Let’s not slip up
Don’t let’s not be silly
About all the things
That make us work as we
Because of all of us
And this means me too
Is what we need to 
Focus on
For not just today
But let’s not not be
Careful
Should you get carried away
I’d laugh at all the money wasted
Or cry
Whichever
They both mean a lot
And nothing
Depending
Don’t let’s not get lost
In the feelings
We’re so much more than that
It’s important
Seriously

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

My Fault

I had one of those days one year
God it just went on
Played like a bad movie
I was stuck in the theater
Watching my life
Do nothing
Go nowhere
My fault really
I could have grabbed it
(It is my life, you see)
And taken it somewhere
Done something with it
Instead of being the sad actor
In my own sad story
A movie going going gone
Into oblivion
What’s with me sometimes anyway?
Need to direct, not just act
Up to me

Monday, July 19, 2010

Limits

We place limitations on ourselves 
Then don’t get there
Say we can’t
Then don’t
Often cause we wont
Even try
I wonder why
We hold ourselves back
And while we do
We look for who to blame
It’s a shame
We should be able to soar
To fly
To achieve
Not just grieve
What we didn’t do
We can, you know
Trust yourself

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Question Time

I stumbled about looking for meaning
Where were the answers?
I just didn’t get it
What did it all mean
I had to know
There were secrets to be revealed
Hidden treasures of human knowledge
Perhaps the Aztecs had known
Or the Vikings
Or Jesuits
Or aliens
Where to look
Straight or stoned?
Through literature or music
Or poetry
Or say, how about films?
Religion?
Nah!
Philosophy?
Maybe
I stumbled
And fumbled
Consequently I grumbled
Frustrated that it was hard to find
Answers
But guess what? I didn’t even know
The f*cking questions!
So I’d have to figure out what I was asking
Before I get answers
But then it occurred to me
I had no questions
Oh well

Saturday, July 17, 2010

The Dancing Mint

The purple destinies of our life
Can heal us or lead to more strife
We’ve got to dwell
On the swell
Of being who we are
Not who we are not
Or the constant blur
Of that growling cur
Will  chase us down
Lickety, lickety clown
There’s no obsession
Of our latest possession
Like the dancing mint
When we’re feeling like sking
Yeah I said it 
And mean it
Dancing mint
It’s what we feel
When thoughts aren’t real
We toss and turn
Then bridges we burn
These purple destinies
That we play out too soon
Ooooh croon
You, you, you
Dancing mint

Friday, July 16, 2010

My Wife

Perfect peaches 
On the dining room table
Sharpened pencils in a cup
On my desk
Hot tea with milk 
Wearing a new sweatshirt
I could have danced all night
The mood was so cool
Hot stuff
More than enough
To go around
Her beautiful brown eyes
And skin so perfect
I love her so much that it aches
She is like all those perfect things
Those mad nights of thrills
Those comforts
She is the morning dew on a rose
The cool breeze that breaks a heat wave
Nothing in this world
Not a thing
Compares to her hugs
Except maybe
Her kisses
And those other things
That remind me of
How much a love her
My wife

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Like Jack

“The world is so goofy everywhere -- like you imagine when you get to Paris with Simon there’ll be raincoats and Arc de Triomphes of brilliant sadness and all the time you’ll be yawning at bus stops.”
Kerouac, Desolation Angels
How do you write like that, I’ve got to know
How is it so cool
So evocative
IS there a way that I
Can do that
Too?
Phrases for phases
Sentenced to sentences of dull consistency
I can put one word before another 
And it is so ordinary
I want special
Then I’ll not just breath the air
But be of it
One with my life
If I can write like Kerouac
That’s not asking so much when that’s all I want
That skill
That thrill
That will
To be special too
I want to be
Able
Don’t let me stay forever cursed
With the common and plain
Give me a little that’s insane
Even if it comes with some pain
Man
Let me be cool too
I want to write sentences that sing
Not sentences about singing
I want to find a voice
Leaving behind the paper bag of today
Looking for the cloud formation
Of tomorrow
Like Jack

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

You Thought

You thought you could keep me from writing
You thought you could kill my inner fire
You thought I could be dead inside
Like you
You thought so much that was so wrong
Like that you could hurt me
That you could make me more humble that I need to be
You thought
Well let me tell you
You
You can’t hurt me
You can’t stop me
You can’t keep me from being
Who I need to be
Your power is limited
Mine endless
I can’t be hurt
I can’t be stopped
I will write
No matter what you try to do to me
I know
Because you
Are me
And I am you
I know that now

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

I See Hurt People

I see people being eaten alive
By their anger
By their regrets
By their resentments
By bitterness
Joy for them is fleeting
Only lasts until the next outrage
The next injustice
The next memory of something gone wrong
Better to live 
And appreciate the gifts
Better to employ gratitude
Better to see the wonders of the world
Better to revel in love and friendship
Better to cast
Your anger
Your regrets
Your resentments
Your bitterness
Aside

Monday, July 12, 2010

Uncomplicated Youth

Uncomplicated Youth 
How lucky you are
Simple
You find it easy
To navigate through life
Until you’re faced with complications
And thoughts
Vagaries
Gone are the simple days of
Touch football on the lawn
Visits to the soda fountain
Gone are the long walks and
Talking about nothing, really
Gone
Now you must face life head on
So dangerous
You’re at war
Maybe Vietnam
Maybe Iraq
Maybe Afghanistan
Maybe Germany
Maybe maybe maybe
People die
But maybe not war
Maybe an unwanted life
She’s pregnant!
Maybe new responsibilities
Maybe someone opened up your mind
Opened Pandora’s Box
It’s so much more complicated now
You’re hired
You’re fired
Bills due
Baby sick
Conflicting ideas
It’s all so complicated now
Youth is gone
You’re a man now
Damn it!

Sunday, July 11, 2010

I’m Hooked

I'm doing the wrong things at the wrong times in the wrong places 
Then wallowing in self pity for my wrong decisions
I'm hooked on my regrets
A junkie feeding off my own mistakes
Perpetuation of the feces
The internal mental crap that lubricates my brain 
And makes me angry at what I should let go
Not even have grabbed in the first place
My scowls, you see, are unbecoming
So I resolve to do better
Act better
Be better
The resolving is easy
It's the actually being
I used to use chemicals to feel different
Now I always feel different
Without using anything
I am different

Saturday, July 10, 2010

He Was a Poet

He was poet of great alacrity
Whose shadow widened the plains
His influences were all the greatest men on Earth
So surely he had to write to honor them
And when he did the people stopped
At least for the time it took to read his words
Nothing special did he
Put one word in front of another then whatever came next
There were so many words from which to choose
This wide and wonderful washing
This oh by goshing
This mention of the time
This feeling so sublime
This act of dveotion
Not devoid of emotion
This careful placing of words
Was what separated him from the birds
Sometimes he would seek to rhyme
But maybe not next time
Joyful
So glad to be among the living
Happy
So grateful to be where words mattered
And putting them in order
Brought you celebrity
Celebration
Widening the plains
Deepening the valleys
Bolstering the hills
He was a poet of great alacrity
And clarity too

Friday, July 9, 2010

Summon Your Angels

I’m summoning my angels today
They help me remember the drives to Tahoe when I was a kid
The mountains, tree covered, sometimes splotched with snow
Even covered head to toe
I’d gaze out the window the chatter of my parents and brother was background noise
I wanted to be a bear
Roaming those mountains
They were delicious
I imagined them as having chocolate in the middle
Scrumptious Sierras
My angels can take me to that time
But only to watch
A time long gone that 
I can only visit 
Through the magic of my mind
Provided I call my angels
And they come
The road through the hills were windy
Snaking around corners always reveling new beauty
Perhaps fog at eye level
Or a glimmering sun reflecting off rocks, streams and the snow
Always the splotches of snow
Ground without snow made me sad
I preferred the winter
Cold outside, warm in the car
With dad driving
My imagination got to play and play and play in those hours of driving
I was a bear
My angels take me there
There’s no editing this
It would be like editing memories
Or feelings
They just are
We don’t remember perfectly
So why should we write perfectly
Only our angles are perfect
Summon them