Monday, July 29, 2013

The Rime of the Ancient Marinated

The rime of the ancient marinated

How wasted and forlorn the many days I passed invoking booziness and lust There gone
Sad little man I was pissing Looking up at the heavens and letting loose with a long loud aaahhh of delight

Or was it fright?

How mindless and sad to ravage one's brain with chemicals and pretend and lie and act and escape and evade and deflect The reality The real life existence that is such a gift though not hard earned just given


I had striven to be a hero of my own sotted fantasies and never caring that others were there laughing at me or feeling sorrowful or quizzical or confused or betrayed And so I lurched thus dismayed and betrayed

Played That's what I did

I loved the taste the smell the feeling the mind reeling and peeling apart as I got high high higher Highest Oh me oh myest I soaked the truth in scotch and cheap beer and chased women and woe betide the ones I caught


But laughing and dying and sometimes crying I wallowed in exploding magical sessions of bullshit and groaned as the angry hangover clawed at my soul and tried to wrench mind and Suicide

Brain fried

My life stood still as chances perished and still I imbibed The addiction was my predilection and no saying anything would matter because I was the almighty of my intoxicated world Another round for the boys


Delayed diminished not quite finished Then the miracle came in 12 steps A staircase leading up above the river of alcohol a cleaned out brain and not so insane but mostly a way a path for my wrath to channel and funnel another side of the tunnel and I started

Just started

Mind you

To get better

A long journey from now till then and later still on the horizon


Thursday, July 25, 2013

A For Effort

I read the clouds wrong last night
Thinking they meant rain
Not another fight
I messed up the tea and made it too weak
Oh be mild, be mild
Remember the meek
I tried to clean my room that messy place
I picked up the floor
And threw it into space
How the stars twinkled lighting up the sky
Rows of gleaming orbs
In response I sigh
Portentous events I do ignore
Pretending to be oblivious
But to what advantage, what for
I can’t read clouds nor predict the rain
I can’t make tea or clean
My weaknesses so plain
Where can I go
What can I do
When everything old 
Seems brand new
My mind is failing
Can’t get things right
But I’ll not go down easy
Not without a fight
Look it’s me
Still trying

It Pays Brudder

It pays to advertise

I got your black
No slack
Stay black

I got chops
Little bitta hops

So bold
Never old
Don't be so cold

Reading a book by Burroughs
My brow furrows
Savin my Euros

All about it, slick
Stick to stick
I don't, you don't, we don't panic

Keep it real
You feel
One last meal

Out the door
I score

That's it
Lickety split
Got the spir-it!

Not Title, No Meaning A Never Posted Permanent Draft

The bitterest root of my sighs
Will not be blemished by your ugly perfection
The never can of your tiresome tirades
Has flaxseed oil for brains
And I'm not listening to any phony English accents
So there

Easy Now Big Fella

Oh to have such vanity
That one proclaims his sanity
Those who think themselves sane
Have failed to heed their brain
Seeming sensible and smart
Shows a lack of heart
Better to muddle and stagger
Then to believe your own swagger


God was chasing me
I looked back and yelled: you'll never take alive
We had a good laugh
Over that one
The great invisible man in the sky
White flowing beard and nasty temper
Has been silent most of my days
Riffing quizzically I wonder
If there he is or there he isn't
At all
Had my doubts
Have my doubts
Our shared laughter notwithstanding

Monday, July 22, 2013

It Would Be Nice

It would be nice to think I could do something right for a change
That I could a part of my life
That I needn't rearrange

I skip about so freely
Seldom stopping to think
My mind whirls like a bicycle doing a wheelie

It would be nice if some thought could be shown
Perhaps at long last the right decision made
Not another situation blown

I could really stand to feel good about it all
Would be wonderful to sense some order and direction
Not like I was taking another fall

It would be nice to think that I could count on me
That reliability and steadfastness in myself
Was something others could someday see