Saturday, July 30, 2011

177 Years of Being a Jerk

Oh I was no good
You wouldn’t have
Liked me
It was the drugs
(I said)
It was the liquor
(I said)
But no
It was me
But always there for me
You could count on it
I depended on
The indulgence of strangers
And friends
And family
Cruel, biting remarks
Often meant to hurt
And oh so happy to be me
Wasn’t I great?
Now leave me alone
Off doing my own thing
If I need you
You’ll be the first to know
And so I went
I was something else again
And again
Me mine I
Oh yeah
It’s all over now
I’ve changed so
Seen the light
Burning bright
It says:
Be nice not yourself
So here I am
Like Me?

Thursday, July 28, 2011


Tripping off the long nights
And daring to stare at your dreams
Hoping that willingness
Is enough to start
Not knowing it all
Not pretending to
Having a reach exceeding all grasps
Pissing sea water into the wind
Lifting the dancers with your mind
And applauding rapturously
These are times to tie men's souls
To the beautiful days of endless rhythm
Just don't forget...
To sing

Sunday, July 24, 2011

He's Dead

He's dead now
Once your lover
Drives me crazy
To think of it
Always has
Still will
But dead now
Still tortured by
The thought of
Him touching your
Hair your breasts
Kissing your lips
Inside and out
Madness to imagine
No solace in
His slow death
Which was an
Awful one
Sad for him
Pain any way
I look or
Think of it
Hate him and
You with him
All those years
No no no
But he's dead
Changes nothing
You see my
Mind is warped
A jealous raging
Crazy man I
Am today and
Can't understand why
But there it
It is it
Is it is
He's gone now
Except he lives
In my jealous
Silly mind
Poor poor guy
Poor me poor
All of us
Who suffer from
This kind of
Silly pain of
Damn them but
Bless him
He was a
Nice guy

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Your Yesterday

That was your yesterday
Not mine
Those were your tears
But I’ll mingle mine with them
If you’ll do me the courtesy
Of loving my life
As I worship yours
On the promise of golden tomorrows
And dangling virtue 
And dancing morals
And happy tunes
Of your not quite correct
But always genuine
For that yesterday
That was yours
Love you
Mean it

Monday, July 18, 2011

The Agony of Remembering

I feel a hellish pain tonight
Reminded as I am of waking up
Those warm Summer mornings of my youth
Eager to start a new day 
Certain that it would be full and rich and meaningful
Perhaps with sport or sex or just being young
Now it is the night of my life
Dark and cold and bitter
I cringe at the lamplight
It reflects of an old and wrinkled face
Whose time has passed
Gone is the carefree reverie of yesterday
Gone forever
Here instead is the melancholy of memory
The bitterness of what was missed
The longing for what was had
I do not spring out of bed these Summer mornings
I lurch and groan and ache and wonder
Where did it all go?
Can’t I have it back?
The agony of remembering
The regret the heartache the excitement the elation
All intertwined and all in a knot
In my belly
How I wish....

Friday, July 15, 2011

It Happens

At Fisherman’s Wharf Norwegian tourists discuss which way to go
Germans take photos of one another with Alcatraz in the background
A few block away a Filipino drag queen argues heatedly with no one
In Chinatown a small restaurant sign reads: Dim Sum, Nice Food
On the bus recorded announcements come in three languages
A beggar greets people emerging from the subway station by asking for change
A young couple on the train wrestle playfully
At a Berkeley cafe a woman suns herself in a bathing suit 
Men ogle
A mailman strides purposefully up my street
In the house the cat is laying on a nightgown
Time for me to type

Thursday, July 14, 2011

The Writer

Of all the glory 
In this untold story
Of all I’ve to gain
With none of the pain
Yet I cry and I wail
In fear that I’ll fail
Instead I must try
And not ask why
Soon there’ll be nothing left
Just a life bereft
So in a dive
Glad I’m alive
And so I now write
What a wonderful fight!

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

It Happened One Night

Laying face first on the floor
Wallowing in my gloom
Driving myself insane
With thoughts of the naked days
When love in creeks felt just fine
Before the body sagged and the mind raged
Before the shifting sands blew into my face
I got the get up song now
The coffee
The elderly man talking to his little dog
All that nonsense and no bikini models
At least not knocking on my door
So I lay here
Face first
On the floor
Contemplating that long road
To I told you so
See ya

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

A Song of Consequence

I have disassembled my brain
As a consequence
The notions of grandeur displaced by
Geese always the geese
But fluttering, flying, flouting Finns
(Such as myself)
Cry our joys loudly in the mist
Never having gained an ounce of...
I did mention the disassembling of my brain?
Not my brian, that proper noun
First name of an Epstein and a Jones and
Say, who invited me to this party anyway
Look at the bird by the window having a row with a mate
Saw her on the lift coming up
Before that at the chip shop
Never mind that now
Songs of consequence
You see it’s all interrelated in a totally
Umm the word here is I guess....
Disconnected way
But who am I to say?
I ask you
You answer me
And say I have disassembled my brain
Mentioned already?
But I only just got here
To planet nowhere
Which is everywhere
Just perhaps
I should put this brain back together again
You’ll see something then, by God
I promise you that
“Let the children lose it
Let the children use it
Let all the children boogie” - From Starman by David Bowie
Dig it...BROTHER

Monday, July 11, 2011


This is a poem about Adolph Hitler’s illegitimate son Kyle
He is a person I knew for awhile
He was witty, charming and smart
To whom living well was a refined art
Kyle smiled and laughed a lot
He never quarreled, argued or fought
His temperament was sunny and bright
He spoke of topics cheery and light
His dad Kyle did not know
The thought of the Fuhrer filled him with woe
Kyle preferred dancing to history
For reasons obvious at least to me
This was a poem about Adolph Hitler’s illegitimate son Kyle
To think of him makes me smile

Friday, July 8, 2011


With trembling hands I wrote my love
With a trembling heart I sent the letter
With fear unnatural I awaited her reply
How somber this mood, this sad pacing
How sadly I wandered through my desolate mind
Searching for answers as the wait continued
No reply
With trembling hand I wrote again
With trepidation I mailed the second missive
With growing tension I awaited a reply
How desperate the hours of waiting
How slowly the time did pass
I grasped and reached within myself
Hoping to find solace 
None cam nor ever a reply
With trembling hands I took a dagger
With a trembling heart did raise it
With fear gripping I let the knife fall
How forlorn did I slump to the floor
How morose my piteous mood
Searching for meaning
Finding nothing
And yet I carried on
She is my love no more
With trembling lips I say it
Stronger, wiser, sadder now
I look for another and new life
With trembling heart

Thursday, July 7, 2011

The Boldness of My Vision

The boldness of my vision
Is subject to no derision
I suffer for my art
I say this from the heart
I thrill to be here tonight
Nothing will be said out of spite
This is the place to be
Where masses yearn to be free
You cheer my tour de force
Though it’s just a matter of course
But the best is yet to come
You dig where I’m coming from
This is like nothing you’ve seen before
Everything else seems simply a bore
So fresh, so new so alive
Now our species can survive
This is the boldness of my vision
I’ve done it with such precision
Of this I am so proud
This greatness I proclaim aloud

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Insane, Me, Yes!

It would be nice to be insane
To live with a scrambled brain
Crazy is the way to be
That’s what I want for me
A functioning brain is passe
For me its had its day
I want to be half nuts
No ifs ands or buts
Screwballs are the best
You can have all of the rest
I want to be a loon
Live life like a wacky cartoon
The sane have had their day
Thus the world is in bad way
It’s time for the mad to rule
Never mind if we giggle and drool
I wish I were truly insane
Normality is really a pain

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Pick One

You can’t read Ginsberg poems
While listening to American Pie
While riding on the bus
At least one of them must be stopped
You could get off the bus
You could turn the music off
You could put the book down
You could do two of those three
You could do all three and just think
But why not indulge yourself
The bus will get you home
So stay on it
Because when you’re home
You wont need to be on the bus anymore
So either turn of the IPod
Or stop reading
Savor one experience at a time
Multi tasking if for busy people
You don’t want that
You don’t need that
You need not over stimulate your brain
It being the only one you have
Give it the song
Or give it Ginsberg
Take if off the bus
As soon as possible

Monday, July 4, 2011

The Insanity of God

The insanity of God
Is such a stark contrast
To the reasonableness of evil
How nonsensical love can be
While hatred makes perfect sense
Reality is utterly crazy
Fantasy is logical
We dwell among the madness
Of a world defined by facts
And truth is left for the deranged
To rage about
We stand at the vortex
And spit into it
When we should dive in
Abandon your opinions
Give into your hope
Never look back
Crazy, man, crazy

Friday, July 1, 2011

I Understand Now

There they were waiting for me
Fear, innocence, rage and confusion
All vying for my attention
Trying to make a mockery of my youth
Rendering me a stammering mess
Damn them
Cruel enemies of my serenity
Blocking the path towards enlightened joy
I suffered them sadly
Indulging only so long as necessary
The gamely shoving them as far aside as my strength could manage
How I struggled to get past these foes
To grow into a man
Not society’s version
But my own
I needed to create a vision of who I wanted to be
And be it
I wanted my due
I, who lacked only guidance
Who went it alone
Stumbled onwards
Fear deadened
Innocence gone
Rage quelled
Confusion evaporated
But now no longer young
But wisdom

Thursday, June 30, 2011

The Middle Class Man

Constricted by his middle class values
A sadly misshapen soul
Twisted to conformity
All sings of creativity strained out
Pompously saying the obvious
As if such declarations were vital 
To maintaining a social order
Afraid, this man if, of losing his comfort
Nothing is more precious than that
That comfort
The security of the known
The societally agreed upon
The accepted
No deviations, please
He cannot see how stifled a live he lives
No perspective
No ambition to be more than what fits
Sadly resigned to this dull happiness

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

The Two of Us

There is joy in your naked butt
There is reason in your elegance
There is safety in your arms
But I still remember the time in the coffee shop
Years ago
The angry discussion
The flirtation with a stranger
Your betrayal
My humility
Or reconciliation
The coupling
The ecstasy
The damned way you saw through my lies
And my life was enriched
By that kiss
The one you give me
And when I say I love you
You smile
As if
The whole world is ours
You make me feel better
Than the hope of a million bright shining tomorrows of promise
Because you are love
And I am your willing captive
On this Sunday
And on all the other days
Of our strong and healthy twoness

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

The Answer

I drove the length of my mind
No one was home
I pursued my thoughts endlessly
They had vanished
I searched in vain for my sanity
It was beyond repair
I hoped in vain for answers
There was meaning in the twilight
Or so I thought
There was depth in some pronouncements
Or so it seemed
There was clarity in the distance
But always out of reach
I read books in hopes of enlightenment
It was fleeting
I cried out for justice
And was laughed at
I yearned for your love
And was saved
Thank you

Monday, June 27, 2011

Lovers in the Mist

Passing night on the cloudless vista
Horizons of your dreams
Hoping for the last to be aroused again
By distant dreams
From slumbering shapes long forgotten
Never known trysts
Of lovers in the mist
Equate to kaleidoscope caresses
And tender places to sup and sing
Joyous night gives way to erogenous today
And together clandestine coupling
Evokes more peace
For all of us
But especially
Lovers in the mist

Friday, June 24, 2011


Forgive my brevity
But I’ve got so much to say
That I don’t want to waste a lot of time
In the saying of it
Or even
For that matter
Giving it a second’s thoughts
Why would I bother detailing
All that is on my mind
So copious, you know
And you there
So forlorn
Can I help you?
Would it be better if I were silent?
Should I not disturb
The long simmering resentment of your oppressive angst
So thoughtful of you to say no
Say so
So I go
Not having bothered about any of it really
And it all so interesting
You know, like those Paris nights before the war
When all we thought of was what party to....
But I’m making you even more morose
And me with wit and charm to spare
Prattling on about nothing
And everything, mind
I’ll take my leave now
And ask you to indulge in a kiss goodbye
In memory of all that I managed not to say
So much really
But then, that’s the point
Isn’t it?
So again I ask you to forgive my brevity

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Gun Crazy

Have you seen up close what a bullet does to skin
Have you seen brain matter in flight
Have you see the life drain from a body
Can you imagine a family’s grief
Do you understand a community’s pain
Is it fair to see young lives end suddenly
Are you the grieving mother or father
Or child or spouse
Are you the limp body cold on a slab
Or are you the perpetrator destined for a life locked up
Never to know freedom again
Are you condemned to live with the guilt and the pain
Who are you
Do you care
Do your actions and beliefs contribute
To gaping gunshot wounds in human skulls
Do you know any remorse as your cold, live hands clutch desperately
At the antiquated notion of guns for all and all for guns
Go on and preach gun safety
While others live in reality
Or die in it
Or are crippled in it
Or see loved ones snuffed out from it
Bang bang

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Cynics Win Again

The perpendicular smile of the wizened maiden
Foretold a skewering of convention
And the rancid politicos were thrown akimbo
As sagacious minds sought alternatives
To the ruined nationalism of yore
Elves danced jigs at the thought of justice
But delayed 
It was denied
These changes were temporal
Illusory gifts with fast-approaching expiration dates
All was lost just as it had been won
Spellbound dullards rejoiced and fretted simultaneously
Dancers and prophets knew the score
But it changed again and again
Life flowed like the rapids
Madcap foamy and loud
There was not respite for the weary
(Nor especially for the leery)
We all laughed to say it again

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Foibles of Merit

It was a party but he sat in a corner
He used this time to reflect on his life
It had gone nowhere
No great or lasting achievements
Sure enough a functioning
Member of society
But not especially loved
Or noted
Liked and accepted and sometimes
But would soon be forgotten
Nice guy not the legacy one wants
So he sat alone with his drink
And brooded
He was not even a drunk
No addictions
No serious issues
No foibles of merit
Never the center of attention
On the periphery of any scene
Any group
An okay guy
Nice to meet you they said
So he sipped slowly at a drink now watery
From melted ice
That was him
He thought
Melted ambition and dreams
A guy
Part of the crowd
Too old to change
Someone walked by
Glanced at him and smiled
He smiled back
Knowing she’d forget having seen him
In a second or two
And so he sighed

Monday, June 20, 2011

Thoughts and Prayers

Please accept our sincerest 
At this tragic hour
In our thoughts and prayers
Try to find meaning
An inspiration to us all
Work will go on
Senseless tragedy
A great loss
Find strength
Hope that
Know that we all
We will keep you
Be remembered for having
Towering achievements
Justice will be done
Expression of grief
We are
You are
We all
Carry on his work
I will be introducing legislation
At this hour
Does not diminish
So fortunate to have known him
Words escape
God bless you

Friday, June 17, 2011

You’ve got to Suppress Yourself

Please be vapid
And say innocuous things
If you want to be popular
Parrot the popular ideas of the day
Try being insipid
Around superiors being a sycophant will do
Quite nicely
Be polite and helpful
But watch the charm
(It can be misunderstood)
Toe the company line
Practice moderation in all things
Tone yourself down
Find the happy medium
Don’t get ahead of yourself
And don’t lag behind
Keep up
If you get confused about what to do
Watch some TV
A lot, as a matter of fact
Also check popular websites
Do a lot of “social networking”
All this will help you blend in
Suppress yourself
At all times
We don’t want to have to report you
That’s a good lad
Now go out and be vacuous

Thursday, June 16, 2011

The Writer

Trust me I’ll write it
Sure you will
I’m stuttering now
But I’ll write it
Sure you will
I promise
I’ll write it
It’ll get down
No more involuntary tics
Sure you will
I promise I’ll write it
No more lethargy
Depression done
Unproductive days things of the past
Sure you will
I believe in me if you don’t
I can do this
Will do this
I’ve got it in me
Sure you will
I’ll write it, really
I’m positively oozing with confidence
It’s practically a done deal
I’m on this one
All over the situation
Sure you will
I bloody well mean it this time
This is a sure thing
The writing will commence
It’ll get done
Sure you will
You will

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Who Really Knows

Staring into eternity
The cosmos
Vast endless space
But the TV is on now so never mind that
Look for other ways of saying I’m fine
God’s eyes are upon me
But the Andy Griffith theme song is playing
Deep breaths and forever moments
Pondering timeless existence
Is it heaven or hell
Ads on TV to cure back pain
Lawyers hawking themselves
Still I look for answers
But the questions aren’t multiple choice
I roam around my mind 
Easy enough to get lost
But I am among the found
News bulletin about missing child
At least its not air strikes
Should I pray or meditate or write these words
There are no easy solutions
To problems we don’t understand
The more I learn the more I want to give up
But the TV tells of sales at the mall
Must take advantage
Can always think later
Whenever that is

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Cacophonous Bus Ride

Cacophonous bus ride
Old crazy man talking animatedly to himself
In the back
Young African American woman having loud cell phone conversation
In the middle
Group of teen age white boys yakking with one another
In the front
I’m sitting across from a fidgety Asian college student
He effeminately squirms out of his sandals, his feet swaying
He sniffs constantly
I cannot read with all this
I look out the window and hear the sidewalk
I listen to the trees and parked cars
The pulsing rhythm of the shops and shoppers reverberate
There is no escape from sounds
No quiet
There is only this moment
And all its attendant auditory stimuli
None of it really wanted
I get off the bus sighing with relief
At home there is the soothing treble of quiet
In the yard birds sing
I feel the weight of my legs tired from much exercise
Sag into a chair
Softer now
Softer again
So soft
This crying mountain of lusty rich solitude
Punctuated by breaths
Deep and healthy
I make a smoothie
The blender is loud
But it’s mine