Friday, November 25, 2016

I'm Here

Here I sit The pain unbearable
But I must bear it Must keep going Can’t stop
Sorrow practically choking me
I feel as though I could die from this oppressive sadness
But my heart beats I am healthy Hilarious
 I’m healthy except for my mind

Crippled It is laborious to type this
 Minutes ago reaching for the remote control was impossible
It was less than an arm’s distance away
I type slowly now Everything is slow Ponderous
My speech is as if I was on thorazine

Beyond On the other side
Somewhere else there is difference Away from all this
The ocean, the sky, the clouds, fog, sun, rain, wind and snow
It is there As are birds and bears and deer and snakes and dolphins and moose and chickens and sharks and scorpions and pelicans
There may be angels too
Perhaps ghosts
Life Exultation The spirit of being and doing and feeling
The soft the heavy the hard the light the more the less the this the that the these and the those and the everywhere and nowhere and somewhere and something and nothing
 The multitude and the solitude The quick and the dead and the slow and the alive

Stars Always Moons.Planets Comets
Great phantasmagorical wisps of delight and terrains of agony and mountains of ennui and seas of celebration
I can experience and be much more than can be imagined
The human mind It is causing me great suffering now but I dare to remember when this wasn’t so and I dare to dream of when it won’t be again
Though it feels permanent it is not
I am still here and I do not yield
Yes, I hold my head in my hands and it is heavy
The weight of a billion thoughts and so much aching and metaphysical, psychotic raging dancing preening posing positing perplexing plexiglass Glances and chances and prances and ports of shadows and wharves of mystery and piers of melancholy

Oh the human taste and the waste
The human mind and the unkind
The ruffled Tousled Blithering Blathering
Bayside yawning glimmerings of kaleidoscopic wonder and blunder amid the virtuous and sacred and the sacrosanct piles of puffery
Wailing past peach trees and into sockets of clairvoyance
These are times and rhymes and chimes and I’ms and youze but not booze Off that No no Not ever and never wherever and clever and blown up dolls of climbing those stars

Hands in front of face I look into eternity and see everything the nothing of all in the cornucopia of emptiness. Blah!

But I’m still here

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