What?

What do I do with all this pain?
There's nothing and so much to write about all at once
Pain go with the writing I do and don't do

What do I do with all this love?
Never enough but always too much
Hello balance, where have you been

All my life

And there goes another sad dream
About wasted evenings
Spent looking out windows at nothing

Yesterday
Tomorrow
Just never, ever, ever today

Perish the thought and the pain is still
Here
The love too

Where does the love end
And the pain
Begin?

Where does the mystery stop
And the hysteria hop?
At night when you're alone

And why do the great surging commas of my life
Create more confusion
And banish the answers of my life to --

But that's so easy
You see
What?

Bad Bargain and Needing Rain

"Indecision and reveries are the anesthetics of constructive action." - Sylvia Plath

I ponder as I wander across the never land of the internet

Caught in the web of the world wide

Contemplating this while diverted by that and never settling down with any of it

Distract me 

Go ahead.

It's easy

I trip over my ego as I fumble away life's sweeter moments

and rage at the noise from the gardner next door

The light goes out again in my head

And I'm left in the darkness of my daily tasks

Perplexed by everyone being obvlivious of my cries for help

Deaf and dumb to the reality of....

And not ever

Not at any point -- letting go 

Because it is all too much to lose for someone who can't abide fortune's smile

I laugh too loud

Copious

Moments drift away and catch instead the hours and long days

of Earth's descent into whatever lies beneath

Finding cliches and ripping the headlines from them

Dastardly

Bastardly

I am what I said

I am what I thought

I am what I always meant myself to be

And there is little this tragedy will have to say about it in the end

Confused? Not much

Determined? 

Sometimes

But other times lounging about waiting for tomorrow 

to become yesterday and the next month to come

Where do the words come from and why do they plague me? 

Flying out of me like so much sunlight 

and drying the morning dew while I sip tea

Me

Some words drop off never bargained for 

never borrowed never needed never mine never caressed 

and loved like that beautiful woman who is my wife

She is there now

Happiness is this very thought

We illuminate our lives with the triumphs and tragedies of others

For them we are lucky

For ourselves we are nothing 

but that which we were given by loving arms and dancing feet and a heart

Heart

Start,

So it goes and so it shall always

Provided we keep alive the quest for fulfillment and are driven by 

softer, gentler natures and not the bitter weeds of hate's conquests

We must go on

Leaves rustle

Or so --

Understated

I'm forever different and always the same
Trying to give names to emotions
That defy description
Leaning on my mind
Ignoring the truths
So supple
But understated
What is this mood I create
In fits of melancholia
And why do I buy into
Rationales
And excuses
So long in coming
So very easy in the departing
All the long ways past midnight
And beyond

No, Seriously

Die
Let me die now
Kill me
Kill me good and and dead
I did nothing to
Deserve this life
Take it
Take it from me now
I know this is not original
But it is no less true for it's
Awful predictability
For that's what this life
is
Never again
No chance
Thank you
(Deep bow)

Lend an Ear

I'm hardly worth talking to anymore
I've become such a dreadful bore
Prattling on about this or that

But say, you'll listen, won't you?
You seem a likely sort
Someone with an ear to bend

You'll hear my story
Feel my pain
Share your thoughts

Say you will
Say it
Say it, please

I know I sound desperate
But desperate times and all
You know how it goes

I'll do the same for you sometime
I swear I will
Count on it

Be a pal
A mate
A friend

Hear me out
This tale of woe and no
This sad saga of a man with troubles

I've just got to tell someone
Or I'll just burst
Will you, won't you?

No?
No!
Woe. Oh such woe

So hear I sit
There I stand
Everywhere I wander

No one to call friend
No way this heart to mend
The end

Kissed Wishes

And I take these moments and fashion a dream
So loud and cool it seems I might burst 
But then what would be the point
As the sentences dwindle


So I wake up again and try another day
Contemplating all the ways I will do it better
This time
And I soar


Only to fall to love's eternal pursuit
And the discovery that it all ends
Until it begins again
On the nevermore of the lost


Kissed wishes and ponderous moments
Are not so different
Not when questions abound
And your love is always there


Cheers 

For Clarity's Sake

Raining pieces of yesterday
A colored jamboree
Of mistakes I never made

The rare ones float away
To the endless places
Of my minds wanderings

I dare not ask
If these are your tortured
Memories

But then the play
Is off in another
Realm of what (I don't know)

So let it rain
Let it pour
Nevermore